Advice from a Pastaface

Dear Readers,

For this weeks advice column I was approched by a dear friend Ms. T. Neullius on the subject of Jewdom. Her concern surrounded a person of jewish decent with whom she encounters in class who believes her to be of similar heritage. To her great disatvantage she fears that if she is thought to be of jewish decent (which I might add she is most certainly not) that she will be at a disatvantage to meeting cute boys as well as joining extracurricular sport teams. I have set up a simple five step approach to rid herself of the situation that might be of use to her and anyone else finding themself in a similar predicament.

5. Vocalize your love of hanson.
4.Wear Green and Red
3. Refer to George Lopez and Dane Cook when quoting your favorite comedians
2.Fart,Belch, sneeze and cough on his sandwhich
1. Tell him that he is a stupid idiot and that you arent jewish so fuck off and go eat your grandmas stupid chicken soup and kniches and that bagels and lox are for StOOpid heads and that you dont like him and dont want to talk to him because he is stupid and you dont care that he knows a lot abot the holocause or name dropes famous jewich people and that eEVEN though you may look jewish because you have brown hair and a hawt buttt and live wit 2 jew hottiez that YOU ARE NOT BECAUSE HE IS A STOOOPide HWEa and ThaT YoUU DONTw waanna b hs frIned aNYMORE SO JUST STOP SITING NEXT TO ME IN CLASS BECAUSE I DNT LIKE YU ANYMORE EVR SNCE YU STPPED ME FRM TAALKN TO DAT CUTE BOY OR STOLE MY DUNKEROOZ YOU FUKCNG ASSHOLE JUST LEAF ME ALNE, FUCK OFF EAT SHIT AND DIE!!!!!!