The REAL Truth About Jonathon

He may very well, in reality, be a reincarnation of three separate people. The first being the one, and only former captain of the Philadelphia Flyers and leader of the Broad Street Bullies, Bobby Clarke. Jon has developed a very strong sense of teamwork while at the same time, being mean and forceful to those who oppose him. He likes to beat the living crap out of his rivals while still keeping an image of respectability. In full reincarnation spirit, he now serves as the Vice-President of his own former hockey team, the Memphis Faeries.

The second person that he has taken the form of in this so called life of his, is the immortal Nelson Rockefeller.  Not because he loves politics or is a working Republican, but because he refused a mural from a man who was the reincarnation of famed Mexican artist Diego Rivera. He tore down the mural and replaced it with one of Abraham Lincoln instead, just like his predecessor, Rockefeller. Also, he followed in the footsteps of the former New York Governor by having a song written about him by Paul McCartney (entitled "Jon Loves My Band Wings") as well as lending his name to a Fatboy Slim jam, called the "Jon Skank". Oh, and he is also the Vice-President of his own made up country, Pizzaville.

Finally the third person that he is the reincarnation of is this guy he met at this party once. They're just really, really similar. And they were both Vice-Presidents of their significant others.

In conclusion, Jon equals not Jon, but rather a bunch of lies that I just made up to help support Aaron's decisive interpretation of who Jon really is. So in REAL conclusion...

Jon = Lies